Original question from Quora:

How can you make friends with people?

where I live, it’s really hard- people aren’t that friendly. I’m alone and i find it really hard. I don’t even try anymore b/c ppl have been really rude to me in the past. Also people tend to be mean to me b/c im pretty, dont know why and just not like me or they expect me to be this socialite

My Answer:

There is one secret to making friends that leads to a second secret to making friends and both of them can be done by anyone.

First, you can’t become friends if you don’t talk. So, to make friends you need to talk to people. I’ve got an easy way to do this and it would work in any city.

If you are a professional person, in any profession, go to chamber of commerce coffee hours, meetups, and other type social events that are open to all kinds of business people. If you are interested in other hobbies or things, find groups that meet related to what you are interested in.

Most careers have little meetup groups where you can get together. They aren’t hard to find once you go looking.

Also, if you are a Christian, there are probably 100 churches nearby that might fit what you believe and if you go to them, you can join bible studies, prayer groups, or other groups that fit where you are in life.

In all of these things, it is about putting yourself in a situation where you can meet people and talk to them.

That leads to secret #2…

Don’t talk, listen. Ask questions, don’t give answers.

People are most interested in themselves. So, if you want someone to become friends with you, talk to them about THEM. Ask them about what they do, where they are from, what their hobbies are, and so on.

Simply being genuinely interested in other people will go a long ways to making friends.

All of this assumes you put the effort in to put yourself out there and be interested in other people. If you are stuck on yourself and your own little world, you’ll have trouble making friends no matter how awesome you are.

Go be your awesome self and get to know other people. The odds are, they’ll want to get to know you too.

-Brian

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